


Reforged

by PapuruKakugan



Series: Shattered & Reforged [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Accidents, Car Accidents, Coma, Hospitals, Hurt Hinata Shouyou, M/M, Memory Loss, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2016-12-01
Packaged: 2018-08-17 12:19:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8143823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PapuruKakugan/pseuds/PapuruKakugan
Summary: He went home to his lonely one bed apartment, zipping himself up in Hinata’s Karasuno jacket to try and quiet his whirlwind mind.
  Halfway across the prefecture, Hinata Shouyou’s heart monitor stopped beeping.-----Sequel to Shattered. Two years later.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for suicidal thoughts. Be safe peeps. x

As Kageyama sets down the vase of fresh flowers on the dresser he has a dark realisation; that even though Hinata has always been petite he’s never looked small, never looked _weak_. The steady beep of the heart monitor attached to his finger makes it feel otherwise. The dull pallor to Hinata’s skin and hair makes him look so defeated. Kageyama's always been competitive with him, but he never wanted Hinata to be truly defeated. Even after their first Junior High match against each other he'd only held a fiery determination to get better. He hadn’t been defeated, he’d been _challenged_.

Kageyama swallows and blinks back the tears burning in his eyes at the memory of that scared and fierce boy outside the bathroom. He absently runs his fingers over the delicate petals as he arranges his selection of Yellow Camellia, Zinnia and Forget-Me-Nots into a pleasing composition.

He’s bought the same flowers for over two years now; the same day of the week, the same florist, the same train, the same hospital room. The pain never lessens when he visits. It’s always the same silence that greets him when he slides open the door, hoping that a bright voice will greet him, ‘ _Bakageyama, you could at least have brought pork buns!_ ’. But two years of hoping, wishing, praying and pleading haven’t worked.

Kageyama sighs and turns to seat himself by the bed, in the chair that’s there for one of the many visitors to Hinata’s bedside. Nobody else comes at this time on this particular day, they know it’s _his_ time. The only time when Kageyama will allow himself to cry since that day two years ago, the only time he’ll truly let himself feel the grief of losing that warmth in his life.

It’s even worse today as next week he’s starting university. He and Hinata were supposed to be arguing about the best courses, or more likely, the best cafeterias. They’re supposed to be laughing and jostling each other between lectures, catching up with their assignments whilst playing footsie under the table, introducing themselves as a pair at parties and gatherings. They’re supposed to _be_.

They’re at opposite ends of the scale but Kageyama feels like they’re both stuck inside of this room. Kageyama is supposed to be starting his life, Hinata is fighting for his own. But Kageyama’s heart and soul are trapped here with the heart monitor and fluid bags.

He clings to Hinata’s hand as he stands and leans over the comatose boy, pressing his face into his neck, trying to find that smell that was always on his skin. Now all he smells is antiseptic and mortality.

“Shouyou...” He breathes out, silently pleading for the press of lips to his temple, the scratch of fingers on his scalp as he snuggles into Hinata’s chest, the rumble of that barking laugh echoing in the bright boy’s chest as Kageyama tickles him mercilessly. Only the constant beep of Hinata’s monitored heart answers him now.

He doesn’t want to give up, wants to fight with everything they are. They’re Karasuno crows, they fight, they _fly_. He has nothing left to give but he won’t stop fighting for them, he won’t let their love die. He gently smooths the hair from Hinata’s face, it’s grown long again, as he whispers in Hinata’s ear. How much he loves him, how much he misses him, how much he needs him. He clings tightly to the too lean body below him and begs, “You need to wake up Shouyou. If you go there’s nothing left of me.”

Kageyama tries to hold it together, tries to force out the memory of being told to sit by Hinata’s mother. The dark, sullen look in her eye betrayed what was about to happen. He’d been waiting for it, the conversation where he’d be told that Hinata would be taken off life support and would breathe his last breath. Where they would let that flame die out.

He sat stoically as she spoke of how it would happen. That they’d exhausted every option they had and that it was cruel to prolong this. He knew she wasn’t really trying to convince him, she was trying to convince herself of the fact she was going to let her _baby_ die. He held her tightly as she cried, a familiar scene that played out almost monthly in the Hinata family kitchen. Natsu on one shoulder and Hinata’s mother on the other as Kageyama tried to soothe them as much as he could, building that mask he’d perfected for so long, allowing them to break in his stalwart presence.

That night he’d found the bridge again. The same bridge where Hinata had found him years before after things had become too much. Before Hinata had made him understand that he wasn’t alone, that if he was honest and let people in he wouldn’t be rejected. Before Hinata had told him he loved him and was proud of him, and before Kageyama had admitted he needed the bright boy in his life or he’d fade away in the dark.

He can still hear those six words that were spoken to him in a voice full of certainty, “ _That isn’t flying Tobio, it’s falling._ ”

Hinata had remembered when he’d confessed it felt like the ground fell away from him that day during the Kitagawa-Daiichi match, when his teammates had finally had enough of bowing before their king and committed treason. He’d fallen from grace. Been excommunicated, banished. Made a pariah. He’d always loved that Karasuno’s volleyball team revolved around flying, it was the opposite of what he’d already had. He needed those wings to keep him aloft when the ground collapsed once again so he was safe from the chasm below. But no matter how hard he tried for each feather he was never able to truly let them close, to open that door and let the wind carry him to his teammates. He felt like he was destined to be alone, that maybe he should find a different freedom before he became even more lost.

It'd only taken Hinata's truth and the scorching devotion shining in those mesmerising eyes to make him realise the difference between freedom and freefall. He found his freedom then, when Hinata walked him home and held him while he slept. He found that his freedom was finding something all encompassing and solid. He and Hinata were Yin and Yang, sunshine and shadow, a din and a silence, two halves of the same whole. Hinata was his wings.

He stood at the bridge again years later, the knowledge that his saviour can’t be saved creating a raw, gaping wound where his heart used to be. He felt numb, hollow and depleted. He had no desire to throw himself off this bridge anymore, it felt like a betrayal to Hinata. Instead he went home to his lonely one bed apartment, zipping himself up in Hinata’s small Karasuno jacket to try and quiet his whirlwind mind.

Halfway across the prefecture, Hinata Shouyou’s heart monitor stopped beeping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fancy a chat? Leave a comment or come find me on [Tumblr](http://papurukakugan.tumblr.com).  
> A huge thank you to my supporters on Patreon. Patrons above a certain tier can see themselves listed [here](http://papurukakugan.tumblr.com/patrons). You guys rock!
> 
> Hanakotoba [花言葉] Japanese flower meanings:
> 
> Zinnia 百日草 [Hyakunichisou] - loyalty  
> Yellow Camellia 椿 [Tsubaki] - longing  
> Forget-me-not 勿忘草 [Wasurenagusa] - true love


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _He hears one last “It’ll be alright Tobio” from Suga before he hangs up and reaches for the door handle. The door that he’s opened hundreds of times to the same sight of an asleep Hinata, unnerving silence only broken by the beeping heart monitor. The sight that greets him now is so familiar but so wrong it’s almost like watching the impact all over again._

Kageyama’s hands tremble as he reaches to slide open the door to Hinata’s hospital room. The blood is rushing in his ears as he prays for a little grace; he’ll give _anything_ for Hinata to remember him.

He’d woken up at 6am when his phone wouldn’t stop buzzing with phone calls. Two from Hinata’s mother, three from Sugawara and one from an unknown number. There are texts too, all from Suga telling him to pick up. All give no reason as to why except for the last, ‘ _It’s about Hinata.’_

He throws off the covers and bolts for the door, throwing on the closest shoes he can find, dialling Sugawara with one hand whilst fighting with the front door with the other. The line connects and the soft voice sounds wary but relieved.

“Kageyama-”

“What’s wrong?” He interrupts, breathless and pounding the pavement. He’s running towards the train station, jumping through the quickly closing doors and gripping onto a pole for support.

“Suga, what’s happened?!” He wants to scream. He feels like the ground is caving again. The tiny flicker of hope is in danger of fluttering out as his worst fears swirl in his head. Nausea creeps at the back of his throat.

“It’s okay Tobio, take a deep breath.” Suga’s calm voice soothes him just enough to allow a shaky breath to rattle in his lungs. “Hinata woke up.”

Kageyama lets out a sob as the words sink in. He presses his forehead harshly against the cold metal pole he’s clinging too, the pain grounds him as Sugawara continues.

“He woke up last night. Hinata’s mother called me because you didn’t pick up. The doctors are still unsure whether he’ll be perfectly fine but he seems in good physical health.” Sugawara pauses to give Kageyama time to let the news sink in. _Hinata is in good physical health._ Bile bubbles in his stomach as he understands, “What about his _mental_ health, Koushi?” His voice is dry and croaks as he forces the words past his lips.

Sugawara sighs lightly before replying carefully, “You have to understand Tobio, it’s always been his head and spine that were the main factors to his coma. They declared his spinal health to be fine years ago as you know, but they could only deduct so much while he was asleep.”

Kageyama starts shaking even harder, his legs threatening to give out. “Tell me.” He begs his former vice captain.

“He has memory loss, Tobio.”

He slides down the pole and crumples to the floor, clinging to the pole as though it was Hinata himself. Suga’s voice is distant in his head as he mourns the loss of those memories.

“It won’t be clear for a while how much he does or doesn’t remember. He doesn’t remember anything a few weeks before the accident, and he seems to need to be told about an event before he _does_ remember.”

_What if he doesn’t remember who we were together? How I needed him and what he gave me? What if he still thinks we’re enemies from Junior High? What if he doesn’t remember me at all?_

He’s on autopilot as the train arrives at the hospital stop, not registering Suga’s soft murmurings in his ear as he takes the well walked path through the sterile hallways. He hears one last “It’ll be alright Tobio” from Suga before he hangs up and reaches for the door handle. The door that he’s opened hundreds of times to the same sight of an asleep Hinata, unnerving silence only broken by the beeping heart monitor. The sight that greets him now is so familiar but so _wrong_ it’s almost like watching the impact all over again.

For years he's wished the sight that greeted him every time he opened the door would change, that he'd be awake and cognizant. Be alive. Be  _Hinata Shouyou._ But now that it has changed Kageyama wants to throw up, it feels so alien in the wake of the stillness they've endured for years.

Hinata is curled on his right side facing where his mother sits watching him sleep. Natsu is by her side, dozing in a plastic chair and gripping her mother’s hand tightly. Kageyama inches forward as tentatively as he can into the room, watches the way Hinata’s mother’s eyes betray her worry for her son’s memories of him. He wants to flee. Postpone. Rearrange. To delay the possibility of being alone again.

He stands at the opposite side of the bed, watching the rise and fall of Hinata’s chest as his mother gently prods him awake on the other side, “Shou-chan? You have a visitor.” His breathing changes has he wakes up, blinking languidly at his mother as he digests her words before following her gaze to the newest addition to the room.

Kageyama feels like he’s hanging in suspension as he waits for those familiar golden brown eyes to find him. They’re groggy, tired but full of life. Of _recognition._ Kageyama sags into the chair behind him, tears pouring down his cheeks as he deflates in relief. One of Hinata’s hands reaches over the bed to pull his own cold one closer, twining their fingers together like they haven’t been able to for over two years. The intimate touch washes away the fear of being abandoned and he cries harder, clutching that warm, delicate hand to his face. The pads of Hinata’s fingers are so soft on his face as they wipe away his tears, pulling his chin up to lock eyes with each other. Clear honey coloured eyes shine with unshed tears, misery painted across those bright features as he recognises Kageyama’s pain.

They’re alone now, Natsu and her mother leaving quietly to give them time to reacquaint themselves after so long. Hinata tugs on Kageyama’s hand, pulling him out of the chair onto the bed. Neither of them care that it’s not really allowed as Kageyama slots his body next to Hinata’s. They’re both thinner; Hinata from losing muscle and not eating solid foods, Kageyama from lack of appetite and will to move.

Kageyama burrows into Hinata’s neck, breathing him in and wrapping his arms around the skinny waist. He wants to climb into Hinata’s skin and live there surrounded by the warmth. Their bodies have changed so much since they last held each other, but they still remember how Kageyama’s head fits under Hinata’s chin, how Hinata’s hand curls to grip the nape of Kageyama’s neck, how their legs lock around each other to create one complete entity, that they slot together like they were created perfectly to unite with the other.

Neither of them speak or move a muscle away from each other. Neither of them voice the uncertainty of Hinata's memories or how he'll proceed through life. Neither of them speak of how, no matter what, they'll be doing it together. No-one can separate what they have, who they are together. Not now that they're finally  _here_ again.

Now that they’re finally home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fancy a chat? Leave a comment or come find me on [Tumblr](http://papurukakugan.tumblr.com).  
> A huge thank you to my supporters on Patreon. Patrons above a certain tier can see themselves listed [here](http://papurukakugan.tumblr.com/patrons). You guys rock!


End file.
